And Speaking of Turn Offs...

Reading an article earlier from Cracked.com that talked about 6 of the things men do that turn women off and while it made some good points, there was (at least) one glaring omission that seems to be happening a lot in my world lately. 

Conversation : (1) oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas (2) : an instance of such exchange : talk 

Please note the key word "exchange": (1) the act of giving or taking one thing in return for another : trade; (2) b : reciprocal giving and receiving

In the past 2 weeks alone, it has happened that 5 people (who all happened to be men) have expressed interest in getting to know me and then proceeded to completely dominate our conversations. Seriously, they spend the entire time talking about themselves. If it seems worth it, I may give them one more try. I mean, maybe they had too much coffee that morning, maybe they just get really nervous with someone new that they like, you know- like "that". Or maybe they're crack heads well into their 5th pipe of the morning. I think it's most likely that they're at one of the extremes of insecurity-narcissism, polarities that can actually look a lot similar from the outside.

It's baffling to me that this seems to carry on even when they've actually asked me a question about myself. Goes something like: So tell me about your time in Alaska- what was that like? Then before I can finish one sentence, they've started talking over me, telling me about their freaky bear encounter, how much they wish they could travel and how cold weather gives them hives. In every one of my recent encounters like this, it's been a challenge to even catch a break in the flow of talk so that I can excuse myself and end it. Sometimes being polite is a handicap. I'm working on it.

When I've managed a word or two here or there, I had to really fight for air time and frankly, I just don't have that kind of energy to spend. It's exhausting.

Later they'll tell me how great they think I am or how much they like me, without having asked me any questions or given me the chance to share anything about me. I mean, how would they know how great I am? From my profile page? From my photo, my wise cracks, my Vampire Wars level ups? That's a glimpse, but a personal conversation is a getting-to-know-one-another delivery device, right?

I know we all get nervous, especially if we're talking to a new person that we're somewhat attracted to. But it's a deal breaker for me. When I'm nervous, the default settings seem to be "babble" and "hush". I get it. But I'm a basically a big mouth myself, semi-recovered. I need at least equal time to feel like there's a conversation happening. I'm not interested in being a full time audience for someone else's lectures, life story, soliloquies (I just spelled checked it and can't believe I spelled that right- I know, total randomness). Why would I believe someone's interest if I feel invisible, if I'm sure that a cardboard cutout that murmurs "uh huh" and nods every so often would be enough to keep them going indefinitely?

Even if your brilliant, beautiful and highly entertaining, unless I bought a ticket to see your show or signed up for your class, I want a meeting of equals. Pause, listen, ask questions and wait for answers, look in someone's eyes. Exchange...conversation. We all have something to say, we all want to know that as well as being a good listener, that we're worth listening to. 


Okay, your turn. 


*note: This bit first appeared in Facebook notes, so if you think you've seen it before, you probably have. Or else a bunch of other women are writing about it too. Which wouldn't surprise me in the least. Here's the link for the original article that inspired this: 
http://www.cracked.com/article_18440_6-things-men-do-to-get-laid-that-science-says-turn-women-off.html