Neither Hair Nor There

Me n my mop.

I have a lotta hair. I get compliments on it, which is awkward because I don't do anything but leave it alone. I mean, I was born with it. So, eh... It's long mostly because I'm lazy, though I also like the feel of it on my nekkid back- it's a sensual treat. Getting it petted is fun too. Super short or super long, you're bound to get some pettin o' the head. Every once in awhile I'll go in and pay someone to trim it for me, just so I can get it brushed and toyed with. *ecstasy* Sometimes, there's just nothing like the touch of a professional. Heh.

This is not a photo of me~ by Olga Proana

I'm a natural redhead of the not-coppery variety. When I was a kid, that was totally not cool. It was one of the things that got me harassed a lot. Then as a teenager, not quite as much, but still- there was a lot of "redheads are trouble" with much knowing nods of the head (as if those 16 year olds had enough experience to even form an opinion). Other tags for reds were: slutty, passionate, temperamental and witchy. I still get some of that today, but less. Whatever. I always wanted to have straight glossy black hair. I don't know where that desire came from, but it was constant until I hit early early adult years. 

Like many things in life, it remains a mystery.

When I was a young woman I did all kinds of things to my hair without changing the basic color, but eventually I got tired of messing with it. It was right around the time I was a single mom, going to school, working and playing in a band. I started to wonder at just how much time I spent everyday with makeup, shaving, styling my hair and squeezing into uncomfortable clothes. Why, when I could like... SLEEP an extra hour? So I saved the big ToDo for performances and special occasions and started going natural the rest of the time. I liked it. It had the unlooked for benefit of making me feel friendlier to my body over time too, like I kept giving myself the message over and over that how I looked was just fine without all the enhancements and manipulations. My self-image responded well. The big ToDo nights started to feel a little like doing drag and it was a lot more fun when it was an option instead of a daily requirement.

It was not a cool thing to do at that time and place. The area I grew up in was pretty conservative and women (men as well) were expected to apparel themselves a certain way. I stuck out like a sore thumb. Then I got my nose pierced- three times. I know that's not much now, but at the time I was one of three women I saw in a 5 year period that had it done even once. I had a wonderful conversation with a woman in her 50s that was working a boutique where I was shopping for nose jewelry. She told me with a smile, "You know, when I was a young woman, I was told that only sluts got their ears pierced. That didn't stop me. It's all fashion honey. Don't let 'em get to you."

I didn't. I kept growing my hair out, stopped shaving and wearing makeup. I eventually got visible tattoos and got more piercings. Whatever. It's my body.


For the past 10 years or so, red hair has gotten increasingly popular. After all the teasing I put up with as a kid, forgive me if I get a little snarky about it sometimes. Walking down the street some days, I can be heard quietly remarking to my companions: bottle, bottle, bottle, real, bottle... Hey, at least I don't yell it out... usually. 

About 10 years ago, I buzzed my head. I'd been thinking about it for years and it was just... time. I was going through a breakup, I was starting to perform more of my own music. People were always going on about my hair like it was something personal I'd created or my best quality. I wanted to know what it would be like to be me without my hair. How would it be to happily, willingly rid myself of something that so many people identified with me that really had nothing to do with who I was? Something that is so clearly identified as a feminine characteristic- long hair? And most importantly, just what shape was my head under all that freakin hair?

This is not me either, but that's the same cut.  Somewhere I have ONE photo of that buzz.
When I find it, I'm framing it. Dude, this makes me wanna do it again....

It was amazingly liberating! I felt exposed and open to the world and people in a way I never quite had. My head felt light and open, the skin so happy to feel sun and wind. It was cold though. I hadn't thought about the fact that it was fall and all that hair had been keeping my upper extremities warm for years. And thus began my collection of hats and scarves...

The most interesting thing to me was people's reactions. People seemed to either love or hate it. There wasn't a lot of neutral reaction. Which is fine. What was not fine is that so many seemed to feel they had the right to tell me what they thought. A lot of people that I barely knew, even strangers that only knew my face from performing or walking around town, would volunteer their fervent opinions: Whaddya wanna look like a freak for? Why would you want to look ugly? Oh your poor poor hair! I can hardly look at you. One instructor said, "I think it's more dignified when older women cut their hair short, don't you? Good for you. It's a sign of your acceptance of your mature status." What the fuck? I was like, 35 at the time. Arg. People just love to spray you with the fog of their own biases and opinions. Some people just stared in a stricken way, turned and walked away. I was shocked at how strongly people felt about hair that wasn't even their own. It was proprietary and weird. 

The people I really enjoyed were the ones who asked me (imagine!) how I felt about it. Thank you, where ever you are....

Hair grows back, though slooooowly. I realized soon after I buzzed it that if I wanted to keep it short, I'd need to do upkeep every month or so and I didn't want to. So I started growing it back out again, which was tedious, but also symbolic for other things that were "growing back" in my life. Patience was the order of the day- persistence and patience.

I don't change mine that much anymore, basically because I'm lazy. I think about it now and then, but then I think about growing it back out again and it makes me leave it alone. People talk about how much work long hair is, but I don't know what they mean. It's so easy. I trim it every 4 months or so, I wash it 3 times a week. If it's bugging me, I pull it back; if it's cold out or I feel like hiding, I leave it down. I can do things with it, decorate my head to express a mood or attract someone's attention. In my experience, short hair takes a lot more maintenance. 

Finally, a head that is mine. Gray is beautiful.

I haven't yet had the urge to cover the gray, though some of my friends that do keep telling me, "oh, you just wait. You'll hate it too!" I'm like, what the hell- are you cursing me? So what and what if I don't? Right now I like it. I'm willing a nice fat white streak along the front that starts at the peak and it's working. I've begun to wonder if I lose my "redhead status" when it goes all gray. A friend assures me not- he says being a redhead is in the DNA and that, no one and nothing can take away from me. I love him.

See? Some people don't even notice it. 

The one thing I did start doing a few years ago was the black under layer- my childhood wish at last realized in part. I was nervous about it before hand, because there's actually an awful lot of hair under there that's black! But you can't tell. When it's down, the black just peeks out here and there, but I know it's there. And I quickly found out I LOVED it! It was a little like that first tattoo that I got in a place that stayed hidden, in case I didn't like it. I was so thrilled with it, that I was flashing my pubic bone at anyone who wanted to see. I wanted another tattoo, immediately. In a similar way, I loved the black so much that I immediately wanted more. It was fun and it's stayed fun. I can flash it more depending on how I wear my hair or keep it subtle when I'm in my Grandma's church. We win.

I just got the black redone finally after months of growing out. The person who did it for me offered to add another color if I wanted. Her hair is a lovely mottling of purple, blue, yellow, green and her natural medium brunette. "I've got a drawer full of colors left over..." Including a deep blue purple that I loved. SCORE!!! 

So for the first time I have an "unnatural" color added to my locks. It's subtle- really only shows up in the sun and it's not as deep as I'd hoped, but I love it! Purple is my favorite color and this rocks with the red and black. I'm not sure if I want more yet, but maybe. I feel possibilities opening up that I hadn't considered before! I want more white at the front-they can do that, right? And maybe time to play with some sculpting gel or something. Maybe even shave a layer and do some tattoo work on my skull while it's bare. Seriously! It'll grow back in if I let it. Like everything in life, it's temporary only more obviously so. It's one of it's great advantages, that and its malleability. There's so little in life that we can change that fast, that easily. Why not? It's just hair. 

47 and flying mah freak flag, high and proud! Don't let 'em get to you.

ps: Please feel free to express your opinion if you're compelled. Just don't expect me to care. 

Tell me about your hair adventures and show me some pics!